


You're My Favorite Place

by SeptemberEndings



Series: Being as in Love With You as I Am [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bisexuality, Fluffy Ending, Homophobia by Grandparents that Suck, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda angsty??? not really, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, fluff kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3597345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberEndings/pseuds/SeptemberEndings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum is thirteen years old when The Thought crosses his mind.</p><p>He's sitting in Science next to Michael, who (as always) is glaring daggers at Luke Hemmings across the room. </p><p>Calum leans over till he's nearly parallel with the desk surface so that Luke can see his face, and gives a huge thumbs-up, rolling his eyes at Michael. Calum thought that Luke was actually pretty cool, but Michael hated him with a burning passion for one reason or another, and Calum just went along with it because Luke was just as angry at Michael. So, instead, Calum decides to make silly faces at Luke when Michael is being a complete dick.</p><p>Luke hardly stifles a giggle, and his wide smile is impossible to hide, spreading across his face.</p><p>And just like that, something clicks in Calum's brain, a whole realization that Calum never meant to make.</p><p>It takes just one thought, one single aw, that's kinda cute, and all of a sudden Calum knows that he's into boys, not girls.<br/>*<br/>Or, where Calum has a hard time accepting who he is, and Michael helps him, and Calum accidentally falls in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're My Favorite Place

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda crappy, and I was considering abandoning it. Still not sure how I feel about it now, but eh, why not? Enjoy!

Calum is thirteen years old when The Thought crosses his mind.

He's sitting in Science next to Michael, who (as always) is glaring daggers at Luke Hemmings across the room. 

Calum leans over till he's nearly parallel with the desk surface so that Luke can see his face, and gives a huge thumbs-up, rolling his eyes at Michael. Calum thought that Luke was actually pretty cool, but Michael hated him with a burning passion for one reason or another, and Calum just went along with it because Luke was just as angry at Michael. So, instead, Calum decides to make silly faces at Luke when Michael is being a complete dick.

Luke hardly stifles a giggle, and his wide smile is impossible to hide, spreading across his face.

And just like that, something clicks in Calum's brain, a whole realization that Calum never meant to make.

It takes just one thought, one single  _aw, that's kinda cute,_ and all of a sudden Calum knows that he's into boys, not girls. 

_shitshitshitfuckshitshitholycrapnoshitwhyshitnonononono---_

"Dude, you okay?"

Calum looks up at Michael, who's taken a break from glaring at Luke to fake-glare at Calum (there's real concern behind it, Calum knows). Calum realizes that his breath has gone fast and rapid, and there's already sweat pooling in the palms of his hands, but he smooths them against his jeans and offers a not-quite-convincing smile to Michael. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just remembered that I, uh, forgot to do a project."

Michael raises his eyebrows. "You never do projects. Or homework," he points out.

"Which is why it's so, uh, stressing," Calum tries.

Michael gives him The Look. "You're an idiot," Michael informs Calum.

_God, I know._

* * *

 

Calum is fifteen years old when he decides that he can't tell anyone about It.

He's sitting at the dinner table across from his grandparents, and the formal button-down shirt he's been forced into is stiff and starchy, and Calum doesn't care if it's his grandparents or not because no one should be subjected to this kind of torture.

And then, without warning, after his dad offers to clear the dishes, his grandmother sticks her fork down into her half-eaten slice of casserole, an angry expression taking over her usually sweet-looking wrinkled face.

"These people today with their fancy notions of homosexuality," she begins, and an absurd _how the hell did she get that out of 'let me get your plate'_ crosses his mind and Calum feels his heart stop for a whole ten seconds.

Because even though he's never told anyone, has squashed it down until it's stuck in his left foot or something, The Thought had never left him for the two years since it occurred to him.

"Mom--" Calum's mother begins, but it seems that his grandma doesn't hear it (Calum doesn't either).

"No, let her go, Joy. Teach the kids a little about The Proper Beliefs," his grandfather interrupts.

His mother and father share a Look before his father squeezes Calum's shoulder for no reason, offering a look at Calum's sister, and sits back down, a sigh on his lips.

"You see, when I was growing up, this gay thing? It was a sin," his grandma says, pointing a bony finger at Calum, as if she _knew_. "A man sleeping with another man? So, so wrong. You mustn't buy into this belief system, because these people can't fool you. They're sinners, they're wrong, and they're defying the love of God for a gross act. It's wrong, remember that!" she nearly screeched. 

His grandfather just nods along like an antique bobble-head, and Calum all of a sudden feels so sick he can't breathe.

Without thinking, he pushes his chair back and throws down those damn fancy napkins that he hates. "Um, may I be excused?" Calum asks, directed at no one because he can't see clearly.

"Do you not want dessert?" his mother asks softly. 

"Nah...got some homework," Calum says, knowing it isn't convincing anyone because since when does Calum pass up dessert for homework of all things, but his mom lets him go, and he leaves, his heart beating too fast in his chest and his breathing nonexistent and adrenaline sweeping through his goddamn veins and _oh god he had to get out_.

 

Later, his mom and dad sit him and his sister down and promise that they don't actually believe in anything the grandparents said and they're so, so sorry they didn't stop it, but it seems like everyone's looking at him so he waves it off, saying, "Nah, it's okay. Opinions, and shit. Different times."

They don't look convinced, but his mom nods then gets angry at him for cussing while his father frowns, deep in thought. 

Truth be told, those words had left a fucking big mark on Calum, an ugly tattoo right in the middle of his brain, but it was good. Of course it was good, because as long as he shoved it down no one would ever talk about him like that.

* * *

 

Calum's eighteen and in a band with his best friends in the world, when one of said friends randomly announces that he's bisexual.

They're all sitting around at band practice, doing whatever they can to  _not_ practice, when all of a sudden Michael randomly asks, "What would you do if I said I liked fucking dudes as much as girls?"

Calum stares at Michael. Luke stares at Michael. Ashton shrugs. "Didn't need that specific imagery, but I guess that's cool."

Calum can feel something weird in his chest, as if his lungs had suddenly permanently depressed, but when Luke nods thoughtfully, Calum seconds that motion and in his peripheral he can see Michael's hands shaking slightly and his greenish blue eyes glittering weirdly and knows that it was a lot harder for Michael than he'd tried to make it seem. So Calum just gets up, and hugs him without a second thought. Michael lets out a shaky laugh, burying his nose into Calum's shoulder, and all of sudden it turns into a group hug before everyone went to play FIFA, even Ashton, and everyone's kind of pretending as if something landmark hadn't just happened in Michael's life. No one acts any differently though, and everyone seems just so fine with it that Calum's weirdly relieved.

In the back of his mind, Calum hears a little voice whisper,  _This could be you._

But no, Calum pushes the thought out of his head and focuses on the game because there is no way he is letting Luke beat him again.

* * *

 

Of course he almost spills his secret while getting wasted, because Calum is just that type of person.

It's the night before their EP release, and to celebrate Ashton bought a bunch of beers and decided to get them a raging, mind-numbing kind of drunk that Calum's only gotten once before, right before dropping out of school.

He's cuddling with someone (he can't tell who exactly, but they're tall so he thinks it's probably Luke which he can't mind at all because that boy is a walking teddy bear), and all of a sudden Ashton slurs out, "Which one of us would be the most likely to fuck another in the band?"

Calum gives himself a second to go into full-blown panic, but it's hard being  _that drunk,_ so when Luke frowns at Calum's sudden tension and nuzzles deeper into Calum's collarbone, Calum can't argue and goes back to resting his head on top of Luke's.

"Is that even a question? We all know it's Michael," Luke murmurs from his makeshift pillow. Michael just shrugs and points his beer at Luke, as if to say  _hear, hear._

"Ah, but who is the most fuck-able in the band?" Ashton asks and all eyes go straight to Michael, who just rolls his eyes and downs another gulp of beer before saying,

"It's not like I'd wanna screw straight guys, and you guys are so straight it's frustrating," Michael points out. 

Without even meaning to, Calum lets out a huge sigh of relief, attracting weird looks from everyone. "Sorry, I just--kinda, you know--didn't want anyone to get angry because you didn't wanna fuck 'em," Calum finished lamely, but everyone seems to buy it except Michael, who frowns and Calum thinks he sees a twinge of disappointment in Michael's eyes but decides to pretend not to notice.

At any rate, Ash seems content to drop the subject, going instead on about drums or some shit, but Calum just keeps thinking.

Because everyone's just  _cool_ with Michael, his parents had no problems and the band certainly had no problems, so Calum wonders if he should just say why he's never had a long-term relationship with a girl or explicitly said that a girl was hot or even talk about them during interviews. He wonders for a millisecond, what it would be like if he just  _said it._

And then Luke lets out a huge snore and Calum realizes it's 3 a.m., and everything is just pushed from his mind as he immediately drops off after Luke.

***

It's a week later and they're on the road when Michael randomly approaches him, wringing his hands and a weird expression in his eye. "Can I talk to you alone?" he asks almost timidly, which is weird because they've been friends for so long they've never been  _timid_ around each other.

Still, Calum says sure, and Michael leads them to the back section of the tour bus, secluded from Luke and Ashton. Michael just looks even more nervous, and Calum asks, "Hey, dude, what's wrong?"

For someone who tries to be so punk rock, Michael looks an awful lot like a kitten and Calum just wants to cuddle him. "I just, wanted to know...if you had a problem with me," Michael starts slowly.

Calum raised an eyebrow, confusion clearly written on his face. "Mike, why would I have a problem with you?"

"With, you know...the bisexuality thing," Michael says, quieter and quieter with every word. "You kinda reacted weirdly a few days ago, and I just...yeah." 

Oh. _Oh._ _  
_

Calum stiffens involuntarily at that. 

Michael shrinks. "See, I knew it," he says, almost to himself. 

And then  _shit,_ Calum realizes that Michael must have interpreted it a different way and Michael's leaving and Calum's hand just shoots up and grabs Michael's pulling him back down, and it's Michael's turn to be confused. "Mike, it's not you, I promise, I love you and I  _promise_ it has nothing to do with you at all. Bisexuality is completely fine and natural and I'm glad you're proud of yourself," Calum rushes out.

Michael sighs. "Then what could it be?" 

Calum waved the question aside. "Doesn't matter, I'll get over it."

Well, he knew he couldn't, but Michael didn't.

Michael frowns, his eyebrows going down. "Calum, is something wrong?" he asks slowly.

"No, everything's good," Calum answers, just as slowly, as if slowing down his speech would actually convince Michael.

Predictably, it doesn't.

Quietly, slowly, as if not to scare Calum, Michael inches close, and grabs Calum's hand, and Calum has to force himself not to blush because it's just so intimate.

"You okay?" Michael asks again, his voice low.

Calum locks eyes with Michael. "Peachy," he says, and almost winces at how sarcastic it sounds.

Michael seems like he's trying to put jigsaw pieces together, but they were from different puzzles. "Calum, are you--"

"No. I mean, it's fine that other people are, that's completely fine, I'm just, you know, not. So yeah."

Calum may have answered a bit too fast.

Michael's eyes grow soft and he pulls Calum into a gentle hug, sitting them both down on his bunk. "It's okay, you're okay," he whispers over and over, and that's ridiculous because Calum  _knows_ he is because he's always fine so he doesn't understand why there are tears tiptoeing down his cheeks and he doesn't understand why he's grasping at Michael's shirt with desperate hands like he needs something to cling on to and he doesn't get why his shoulders are shaking and he doesn't understand why the hell sobs are coming from him because really  _he was fine,_ so he just insists through the hiccups,

"No, I'm fine, I'm good, everything's good, please just--"

Michael pays no attention to him, just holds him closer, whispering the words over and over, until Calum starts to get that maybe he really wasn't okay at all.

(The voice whispers in the back of his head, _S_ _ee? It wasn't bad at all. No one will judge you._

Calum isn't quite sure if he can believe that quite yet.)

* * *

 

Michael starts taking Calum out for coffee.

Whenever they get to the next city, Michael wakes up early (strange behavior for Michael but Calum wasn't going to reflect on that), and drags Calum out of bed, only offering a "Starbucks, bitch," as explanation.

After they get their coffee, Calum screws around on his phone for a little, Michael on his, and then Michael just starts talking. Which is weird for Michael, because even though he comes across as extroverted and buoyant on camera, Michael doesn't like filling silences in private, electing to spend most time alone or just hanging out low-key with his friends. He was still the Michael that appears on camera, he was usually just a lot more reserved.

But Michael would just start a monologue about anything, anything at all, from how pissed off he was that Luke was borrowing his damn clothes again to how cute that male barista was and does Calum think Michael could ask for his number without seeming like a creep, to how much he loved All Time Low and Blink 182 and how he was just so  _bad_ at songwriting when he wasn't completely inspired, and on and on until Michael would check his watch and ask if Calum wanted to head back soon. The whole thing didn't take more than an hour usually, and when they got back Luke and Ashton were usually still asleep.

On the fifth or so time that Michael does this, Calum just spills.

Michael's in some spiel about the difficulty of trying to decide which color to dye his hair, when Calum just breaks him off with a simple, "Michael." And Michael just focuses on him, and cocks his head, a small smile on his face.

Calum cracks his knuckles, then his neck. He feels a strange need to do stretches, like before a particularly stressful footy game, but he pushes it to the back of his mind, and repeats, "Michael."

"I'm listening, Cal."

Calum swallows, takes a sip of coffee. And then he's ready.

"So, um, I never actually admitted it to myself. Y'know, that I'm...I'm...I'm into guys instead of girls. I was never able to stand up in front of a mirror and just  _say_ _it._ It never even occurred to me, really, until one day in Science in like Year 8, when you were glaring at Luke and I leaned over to jokingly give him a thumbs-up and he smiled and I just thought,  _aw, that's cute,_ and I just knew. I didn't wanna know, but it made so much fucking sense and that scared me," Calum says quickly, as if he's scared of the words getting stuck in his throat.

Michael's quiet for a while, stirring his latte absentmindedly. Then, "So, Luke Hemmings then?"

Without thinking, Calum hits Michael on the shoulder, a quiet laugh escaping his lips. "Dude, no, I've seen Luke throw up and piss himself, so no, I don't think I'm going to be attracted to that treasure trove, thank you very much."

Michael chuckles in response, and for a while there's nothing but small distance and silence between them, but Calum feels so much lighter, like he'd just taken off a heavy bag he forgot he was carrying. And they just sit, until Michael says, so quiet it only cuts through part of the silence, "You know, Ash and Luke, they're cool with this. Whatever preference you have. And your parents will probably understand too. Just so you know."

Calum jerks his head a little bit, up and down. "Yeah, I know, I just--" he cuts himself off. Takes a deep breath. Starts again. "I don't think I can, quite yet. I don't think I can admit it to myself yet, even."

Michael just nods, and lets the comfortable silence drape over them again.

* * *

 

Calum just kind of tells Ashton and Luke one day.

It's late afternoon, and they're on a tour bus to the next town, and Calum's nineteenth birthday is speeding up to him. It's been a few months since he actually  _told_ Michael. That he's, you know...gay.

It's still hard to tell himself that, but it's getting easier, Calum thinks. Like, he can actually admit to himself that some boys have nice asses, that he prefers tattoos and piercings on a boy, that he likes boys' eyes the most. A few nights ago Calum had actually stood in front of a mirror for about six hours when he was technically supposed to be sleeping, and somehow he got up the courage and told his reflection that he was. Gay, he means.

Him and Michael still go for coffee, and it's become A Thing between them. A nice thing, a thing Calum wants to keep, no matter how much Michael complains about getting up early (to which Calum always responds that they don't _have_ to do it, and then Michael shuts up). They just  _talk,_ and even though they've always been close Calum likes the feeling of closeness he's gotten lately from Michael, the quiet smiles between the two of them and how much closer they sit now. It was actually Michael's idea to tell them.

"It doesn't have to be a big thing," Michael had instructed. "That could just potentially scare you. Just say it, and it doesn't have to be any time, you know, soon, but when you feel like it, tell them. They'll get it, I promise."

And Calum just wakes up one day while they're headed to some city in America, and he just feels it pushing on him, knows that this day was _the day_.

So, anyway. It's late afternoon, they're on the tour bus, and Calum is playing FIFA with Luke when all of a sudden he just pauses the game. 

Luke frowns. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"Um, well," Calum says, "IthinkI'mgayisthatcoolwithyou?"

(It came out a  _little_ bit faster than intended.)

Luke stares at him, mystified. "Sorry?" he asks, cocking his head. Calum's reminded of a very confused puppy, or maybe a kitten.

"Well...uh...you see--" Calum wonders why this should be such a big deal. Like, two words could ruin your entire fucking life and it just made Calum sweat. Two intangible words that had no basis in other's lives, and yet others could judge him based on this one little tiny thing and it was just so stupid and  _goddammit this is why he wanted to ignore it all_. Calum steels himself, and takes a couple (a  _lot_ ) of deep breaths. Luke's just staring at him, clearly not catching on like Michael had. So, Calum bits down so hard on the inside of his cheek he can taste blood, and he knows that he's ready so he decides to just  _say it,_ no preamble to ward off the blow.

"I'm gay, I think. So there you go."

Luke blinks a few times, just like he did when Michael came out about his bisexuality. And then he lunges over and hugs Calum tight, and nothing is said because nothing  _needs_ to be said.

Calum likes to pretend that the tears are only coming from Luke, but he knows that together they're both probably creating a fucking river right in the middle of the stupid tour bus.

***

With Ashton, it's a lot more laid-back, chilled out. Calum wonders if all of these times of telling his band about his sexuality is just a reflection on each of the band members.

Ashton walks into the front half of the bus (he'd been taking a nap at the back), holding a beer. He sees Luke and Calum shoved under a blanket together watching  _Mean Girls_ , with Michael talking loudly over the movie and making stupid commentaries. Ashton just raises his eyebrows. "What's the occasion? We only break out  _Mean Girls_ when something big's happened," he points out, flopping down next to Calum and Luke on the couch.

Before Luke can even share a look with Calum, before Michael can silently ask him  _are you ready for this?_ Calum just blurts out, "I'm gay."

To Ashton's everlasting credit, Ashton just nods and moves closer to Calum and Luke. "Blanket," he orders, and the blanket is spread over all three of them. "Michael, get in here," Ashton tacks on as afterthought.

"Nah, I'm good, I just want to--"

"Michael, I swear to God, if you don't get under this blanket right now you won't be able to play our next show because I kicked your ass so hard," Ashton halfway growls, but once Michael sighs and gets under the blanket that is really too small to be holding four grown men (boys), Ashton turns on his trademark  _'I'm a walking ray of sunshine'_ dimpled beam. And then, before Calum even has time to ask if everyone's actually okay with this, Ashton shushes them, because, "IT'S THE BURN BOOK SCENE!"

Calum really just does have the best friends.

( _I told you so,_ that stupid voice in his head says smugly, and he can't even deny it.)

* * *

 

And then five months later, a problematic situation arises.

And, well. It kind of does have to do with the gay thing, but really it's about stupid crushes and how fucking easily they form.

Calum's told everyone in his personal life--they all took it remarkably well (his mom even let it slip that she kind of already knew, which may have bugged Calum but whatever). Predictably, his grandparents were  _less than_ pleased, but honestly Calum couldn't bring himself to care at this point.

But one of the problems was that Calum was so busy trying to date girls and be 'normal' and ignoring everything that contradicted his chances of that, that Calum never actually had a real crush. Or, at least, he thinks he hasn't, because maybe he has but he'd just been way too preoccupied.

So when faced one, Calum is just too dumb to actually know what it is.

All he knows is that whenever Michael enters a room Calum gets this heat in his chest that stretches down to the pit of his stomach, and he likes hanging out with Michael, like,  _a lot,_ and whenever he sees Michael flirting with someone he gets this urge to just take Michael away and just keep Michael all for him and no one else.

But Calum just thinks that this is a friendly,  _he's my best friend back off_ vibe. He tells himself that he thinks it's just that.

And then one day Michael just walks into the room and plops himself right down on Calum's lap and Calum just shifts so that he and Michael can be more comfortable and continues texting on his phone while Michael loudly complains about how slowly people walk on the streets. And Ash walks in, frowns, and says, "Have I missed something?"

Calum looks up, kind of confused by what he means. Michael mirrors his expression. "What are you talking about?" Calum asks calmly, fingers still tapping away on his phone.

"When did you two start dating?" Ashton doesn't sound angry or awkward or anything; in fact, he sounds a bit offended for not being told.

Calum's fingers stop on his text keyboard, and looks up to lock eyes with Michael, who keeps his gaze on Calum for 0.2 seconds before sliding off of Calum neatly and onto the seat next to Calum. "We're not dating," Michael says, and if there's a slight quiver to his voice Calum decidedly does not notice. "I mean, Cal's great and everything, but, like...no."

"Guys, you really don't have to lie to me, even if I'm totally gonna tell Luke. Wait, does Luke know? Were you hiding this from me as a practical joke or something? Because--"

"Ash," Calum interrupts, "We aren't dating. We're just good friends."

Ash still insists on looking skeptical (and honestly, Calum can't even blame him). "Okay, well apparently I'm missing something because I'm 'good friends' with all of you assholes and none of you sit in my lap after a long day of work," Ashton half-accuses, but the mischievous grin on his face is so wide it gives Calum a headache.

Michael rolls his eyes. "Do you  _want_ me to sit on your lap after a long day at work?" Michael asks. Ashton puts his hands up.

"No, but I'm just saying--"

"I  _know_ what you're saying, but Cal and me are just friends," Michael asserts, and then stands up, stretching out. He kind of glares at Ashton for a little while, who glares right back. 

"Okay, so I'm out of here, you suspicious little twat," Michael abruptly decides. "I'm gonna get pizza. For myself. No one is going to touch said pizza. Are we understood?" Michael eyed each of them until they both nodded solemnly and then grabbed his jacket and keys, leaving Calum in a room alone with Ashton.

If Calum stares a little at the retreating figure with pink cheeks, it meant nothing.

That is, it meant nothing until Ash notices and suddenly Ashton is sitting on the couch next to Calum, nudging him with his shoulder. "So, Michael then?" Ashton asks conversationally.

Calum turns, tearing his eyes away from Michael's back. "What about Michael?" He asks, aiming for oblivious. (Because, well, he  _was_ oblivious. Calum definitely had no idea what Ashton was talking about. Not one bit.)

"You like-like him," Ashton says, agonizingly matter-of-fact, and if Calum's heart stutters a bit Calum doesn't notice.

"You sound like an eight-year-old," Calum points out instead, and goes back to his phone, pretending to be absorbed in the app game he'd opened up.

"And you," Ashton says chirpily, reaching over and clicking the power button on Calum's phone, "Aren't denying it."

Calum sets his jaw and looks up to meet Ashton's bright hazel eyes. Ashton makes a point to look like the fucking sun from  _Teletubbies,_ but there's a determination set in his eyes that tells Calum that he's going to be forced into this conversation no matter what he tries to do. Sighing, Calum throws his phone on the coffee table, and turns to Ashton. "I was getting to the denying part." _  
_

"You mean the part where you try to convince me of something other than the truth and this conversation starts sounding like a badly-scripted romantic comedy with the ever-pleasant overused trope, 'will they or won't they'?" Ashton asks, his expression begging for Calum to do something unexpected.

And Jesus if Ash hadn't just thrown him into a corner where no matter what he did, Ashton was right.

Sometimes Calum just hated Ashton.

"W-w-well," Calum splutters, and can't think of anything else to say.

"Exactly," Ashton says, and he's obviously pleased with himself and Calum kind of wants to punch Ashton in the face. "If it helps, Mikey like-likes you too," Ashton adds on, and his smile becomes slowly wider and wider and wider. "Aw, you guys would be the  _cutest_ couple!"

"Okay, 1. you need to stop using the word 'like-like' because jeez you can't sound anymore like an annoying little kid if you tried, 2. stop squealing because now you also sound like an annoying schoolgirl, and 3.  _Mikey and I don't like each other in that way,_ " Calum insists, and he's balling his hands into fists to keep from throttling Ashton and his fucking smile.

"Oh please, tell me we aren't going to do this. Tell me that you aren't actually gonna just  _pin_ _e,_ because that's annoying as fuck and I want this relationship to happen now," Ashton whines, placing his head on Calum's shoulder. Calum shakes him off, which causes Ashton to give him the dirtiest look.

"Well, give me time," Calum says, flashing Ashton a pearly white smile. "After all, in quality romantic comedies pining is ninety percent of the script."

* * *

 

So it turns out Calum's pretty bad at the whole pining thing, and Calum thinks he's okay with that.

Because every day, instead of crying or writing in a journal about how he  _wants_ Michael and is  _sad_ that he doesn't have Michael, in reality Calum's just happier than he's ever been.

He discovers that love means a lot of different things to Calum, but maybe his love is different than most.

Because sure, Calum is super attracted to Michael, from his eyebrow piercings to his  _Fly Me to the Moon_ tattoo and his gorgeous who-knew-what-the-fuck-color-eyes he has to the stupid, old tattered flannels he insisted on wearing, and sure, Calum wants to kiss him and have super awesome sex with him and make fun of movies with him before kissing various parts of his body, but at the same time, Calum is fine with how things are because Michael's  _happy._

Every day, Calum falls a bit more in love with him, and every day, Calum wonders why people hate being in love, can't stand the idea of crushes.

Because love to him was sunshine and Michael's stupid tongue sticking out at the end of their interviews until Luke tells him to stop because "You aren't Miley Cyrus, Michael, goddammit!" Love to him was Michael attacking Calum while they're playing FIFA because Calum's better than him and Michael just wants to win for once. Love to him was an endless amount of laughter and smiles and seeing Michael become more of himself than he ever has been on stage, and sure Calum would appreciate all the romantic bits but he was so happy the way he was that it didn't even matter to him as long as Michael was happy.

One night after a concert that went amazing but was exhausting, Calum's just curled up next to Michael half-asleep, the warm thing in his chest and the feeling of sleep making him more cuddly than ever. Michael didn't really even stand a chance when he walked in to see Calum wrapped in about a thousand blankets, because once Calum spotted Michael he just moved over like he expected Michael to join in, and then Michael just did and it gave Calum a feeling that was even better than coming home.

They're just sitting there in their hotel room on Michael's bed, looking out the window where a million stars are winking at them, when Michael looks down at him and says, "I think I'm in love."

Calum smiles and snuggles closer. "With who?" Calum asks softly, so softly he might not even be heard over the ventilation system that had kicked in a second ago.

Michael giggles a little, and it makes Calum's heart burst the slightest bit. "With you, you fucking idiot. And our stupid coffee runs and inside jokes and the fact that you actually make me become a sap." Michael's eyes are glittering, but not like when he told the group that he was bi; no, this is more assured, as if he  _knows_ that Calum feels the exact same way. But before Calum can say anything, Michael holds up a finger. "But you can't say anything yet. I wanna tell you when I'm sure."

Calum pushes his face into Michael's chest, feeling more alive and safe than he's felt in a long while. As he finally gives into the tide of sleep, he finds himself mumbling against Michael, "I'll wait forever if I have to."

* * *

 

Calum might write a song about Michael.

Could be about anyone, really, even if it was written at 2 a.m. after multiple cups of coffee and the thought of Michael's smile that makes him grin and giggle.

But really, then again, it could be the generic love/feel-good song.

It doesn't matter that before that, around late afternoon when Calum and Michael are just hanging in the pool that Calum thinks,  _We're so disconnected from anyone else right now but you're still my favorite person and I'd go anywhere with you._ It certainly doesn't matter that that one thought is the basis for the entire song. Calum just thinks it's a good thought.

Still, when Calum shows it to the band the next day, Ashton gives him A Look, and Luke surreptitiously glances from him to Michael before smiling shyly and saying, "I think it's cute. I like y--I mean, I like your song a lot."

Michael's sitting there with the most peculiar expression on his face, and when Ashton asks him if he's okay, Michael just says, "Wha? Oh yeah. Good song, Cal." He sounds a bit dazed, and Calum's kind of worried because ever since that night they never discussed their feelings again and here was a song that was not-really-kinda-oh-who-was-he-kidding-of-course-it-was about Michael.

Still, they go into arranging it and figuring out the melody on guitar, and then their band meeting's over and all of a sudden Michael's dragging Calum upstairs and Calum is a little scared and the tiniest bit confused. Michael pulls him all the way into his room before shutting the door and running his hand through his bleached hair. 

"Mikey?" Calum asks shyly, leaning against Michael's bed. He does't know what Michael was thinking, and honestly Calum isn't even sure if he really wants to know. Michael's still pushing his hand through his hair, and he's slumped against the door as if he'd just run a marathon or something.

"Mikey?" Calum tries again, feeling as if the few feet between the two of them was suddenly a huge crevasse that couldn't be filled by Calum.

"I just realized," Michael starts, then stops. He lets out a few shaky breaths. "I didn't know what love was. After all this goddamned time, too."

Calum isn't really following, and he's about to ask if Michael's had any drugs or alcohol recently, when Michael just holds up a hand to let him finish. "I thought that I couldn't really love you because I'd known you so long. Because I'd felt the exact same way since I became friends with you and I feel the same way today. I feel the same way about you right now as I did a day ago, and nothing's happened and I haven't ever felt like I was falling in love."

Calum's heart stops, and Michael apparently notices because he walks forward, breaching that goddamned crevasse, and puts his hands in Calum's.

"But," Michael continues, "after hearing your song--and I'm so sorry because I'm about to go 100% sap and grossly sweet on you--I kinda realized that, um, I've always been in love with you? I think I was in love with you ever since I saw you when I was, like, six, and there was just nowhere for me to go because I'd hit the limit of being in love. Like, there's no love left for me because I spent it all on you the first time I met you, and I really hope that's okay with you because I do. I love you, I mean, and oh god this is so cheesy so could you just kiss me or something?" Michael's blushing by the end of it and there are tears in his eyes even though he'd never admit it and it's okay because Calum's got tears in his eyes too, and he just leans in and kisses the living daylights out of the white-haired boy because  _damn_ he was in love. 

Michael lets out this watery laugh that sounds just so unlike him but Calum's just smiling and leaving little pecks all over Michael's face, and sure Calum was fine with not being in a relationship but this was just  _so much better._ Calum kisses and kisses him and kisses him until they're on Michael's bed kissing with swollen lips, and Michael's playing with Calum's shirt and it's obvious that he's thinking of taking it off when all of a sudden Michael stops, leans in so that he's close to Calum's ear, and whispers, "You know, you're my favorite place too. And your dick's probably huge, so I'm looking forward to that."

Calum thinks that he's picked the perfect person to fall in love with.

***

Calum wakes up the next day with Michael spooning him, mouth slightly open and snores interrupting the chirps of birds.

Calum smiles and thinks,  _aw, that's kinda cute._

 


End file.
